Limbo

Have you ever been in that space where two steps in any direction takes you anywhere but forward? That's what limbo feels like. It's like walking on a treadmill hoping to reach a far off destination. So many times in life we are faced with decisions that have no real resolution. They just are. Any direction you turn you find yourself just turning around again. Love can be limbo. That emotion that propels you forward while holding you back at the same time. That feeling of wanting to be happy but knowing that your happiness will cost others theirs. Any decisions you make will not move you forward, it will only leave you in limbo. Hoping for something that will never come to pass. Love can linger or be fleeting. How can such a small word hold so much power over our lives? How do we get to that point where the same person that makes you feel like you are floating at the same time makes you feel like you're drowning? It's enough to make you want to give up on love even though you know that you can't. Love is there, holding you there in it's trance. Choice is at times a delusion. Try as we might love rules with its power unchecked and unchallenged. Sometimes it hurts, and sometimes it heals. The immortal saying is ever true: the heart wants what the heart wants. Surrender to it or fight, it doesn't really matter because in the end love is all we really have. So until a path becomes clear, float on. Limbo awaits.

Contemplating Murder Part 1: A short story

Sure, you're thinking, "not me", or "I would never...". There are a lot of things to consider when you're contemplating murder. Time, place, and method are the usual. There are serious levels of the human psyche that one must break down in order to take a life. But what if you had a flawless plan? What if you could find a way to get away with it? Would you do it? No, you say? Still don't think you could ever stoop that low? Well meet Terrance Height, a troubled young man that has had a rough life. Terrance was never really popular at school. He wasn't athletic nor was he particularly attractive. Over the years young Terrance grew cold towards the world. He may not have had what others often wanted, but he was smart, intelligent even. Scary part is, his intelligence was steadily growing. He was adjusting to his life, viewing the world through the eyes of a closeted genius. For a second things were looking up for young Terrance. He even has a girlfriend. Yes, things were indeed looking good. Following suit with most dramas, though, something happens. His girlfriend leaves. He gets kicked out of school. He loses his job. He gets mugged. He even gets kicked out of the house. Rock bottom. Terrance is completely devastated. What would you do? Rob, steal, suicide?  No, not Terrance, he was stronger than that. He peddles for a little and gambles for a lot. He wins, an unusual chain of events. He uses his money for bigger bets. He wins again! He buys a house, car and a life. He is not happy yet, but he is alive. From the outside it looks like he's doing well. The sad part is his big bet was an illegal score. He gets busted, not even knowing why. Once again poor Terrance is completely destitute. He is charged and put in a work sentence program. After a year, he is released. He is in his mid twenties now. He decides that he is tired of his old life and tries to find work. He finds it at a soup kitchen.....TO BE CONTINUED

Mamba Mentality

There are moments in life when you just feel the whole world stop, if only for a second. Sunday was that day for a lot of people around the world. Kobe was dead. Three simple words that carried so much weight. It was jarring, unsettling and unbelievable. My friends and I were the biggest Kobe fans. We all love Jordan but Kobe fans are just a different breed. Memories flooded back to every backyard game yelling, "Kobe", as we all pretended to be him. All the games we watched on the edge of ours seats as he literally willed his teams to victory. I never met Kobe personally but he felt like someone I knew. I did see him maybe twice at a game against my hometown Grizzles (he torched us). When tragedies strike we often say, "I was just talking about...". Ironically though we literally were just talking about him. I watched Lebron's game with mixed emotions as he passed Kobe's scoring record. I watched old highlights of Kobe that whole night. So Sunday when one of my friends text me I was still just thinking about Kobe's record. Then I heard the news. I was devastated. It was hard to put into words what I felt. I didn't know Kobe but at the same time I felt like I did. I had defended this man. I had rooted for this man. I had imitated this man. I don't get wrapped in celebrities. I've never been starstruck. I don't have any Kobe jerseys, shoes, or memorabilia. What I do have is an indelible connection between willpower and Kobe. When the news about the other passengers including his daughter came out, the pain multiplied. I again watched every highlight, every commercial and every clip I could find. I watched people talk about their memories and I cried. I cried not for personal loss but from a emphatic sense of sorrow. I too had memories of times with friends and family and to think of never having those moments again was heartbreaking. My brother is 41. The thought of him just tragically being gone would be devastating. My niece is 12. The thought of her not being here would tear my heart out. I know that life isn't promised. We don't get to choose when we die. There are times though when you've prepared for it and there are others when you just wish it didn't have to be like that. It was tragic what happened to all those people on that helicopter, Kobe or not. As humans we don't have to know someone to feel trauma over a tragic event. When tragic things happen it is only human to feel some twinge of pain. If you don't the problem isn't with the people mourning over someone they maybe didn't know, it's with you. Anyone that can't feel something about families losing loved ones has a problem. It may not affect your life, but a moment to just reflect costs you nothing. To the people that immediately started to bring up issues from his past, please remember that you aren't perfect either. If you didn't like him then just say nothing. If you didn't know those people you can still take a moment to just reflect on personal losses. Kobe meant a lot to a lot of people and those other people on the helicopter meant a lot to the people in their lives. Mamba mentality was about willpower. The determination to despite whatever circumstances that you find yourself in, that you will yourself to be successful. That's what I will take from this. To cherish the memories and moments in life with those I love and to will myself to success. MAMBA OUT. 
                                                      

Under Construction

OK so it's been quite a minute since I've posted. Had a 10 year writer's block. Like a comet I come into orbit only ever so often. I am going to try to strike fire this time. My life has changed drastically in the last 10 years. So please bear with me and feel free to take this journey with me. I promise you it's a wild ride. HOLD ON & BUCKLE UP! ....