Limbo

Have you ever been in that space where two steps in any direction takes you anywhere but forward? That's what limbo feels like. It's like walking on a treadmill hoping to reach a far off destination. So many times in life we are faced with decisions that have no real resolution. They just are. Any direction you turn you find yourself just turning around again. Love can be limbo. That emotion that propels you forward while holding you back at the same time. That feeling of wanting to be happy but knowing that your happiness will cost others theirs. Any decisions you make will not move you forward, it will only leave you in limbo. Hoping for something that will never come to pass. Love can linger or be fleeting. How can such a small word hold so much power over our lives? How do we get to that point where the same person that makes you feel like you are floating at the same time makes you feel like you're drowning? It's enough to make you want to give up on love even though you know that you can't. Love is there, holding you there in it's trance. Choice is at times a delusion. Try as we might love rules with its power unchecked and unchallenged. Sometimes it hurts, and sometimes it heals. The immortal saying is ever true: the heart wants what the heart wants. Surrender to it or fight, it doesn't really matter because in the end love is all we really have. So until a path becomes clear, float on. Limbo awaits.

Contemplating Murder Part 1: A short story

Sure, you're thinking, "not me", or "I would never...". There are a lot of things to consider when you're contemplating murder. Time, place, and method are the usual. There are serious levels of the human psyche that one must break down in order to take a life. But what if you had a flawless plan? What if you could find a way to get away with it? Would you do it? No, you say? Still don't think you could ever stoop that low? Well meet Terrance Height, a troubled young man that has had a rough life. Terrance was never really popular at school. He wasn't athletic nor was he particularly attractive. Over the years young Terrance grew cold towards the world. He may not have had what others often wanted, but he was smart, intelligent even. Scary part is, his intelligence was steadily growing. He was adjusting to his life, viewing the world through the eyes of a closeted genius. For a second things were looking up for young Terrance. He even has a girlfriend. Yes, things were indeed looking good. Following suit with most dramas, though, something happens. His girlfriend leaves. He gets kicked out of school. He loses his job. He gets mugged. He even gets kicked out of the house. Rock bottom. Terrance is completely devastated. What would you do? Rob, steal, suicide?  No, not Terrance, he was stronger than that. He peddles for a little and gambles for a lot. He wins, an unusual chain of events. He uses his money for bigger bets. He wins again! He buys a house, car and a life. He is not happy yet, but he is alive. From the outside it looks like he's doing well. The sad part is his big bet was an illegal score. He gets busted, not even knowing why. Once again poor Terrance is completely destitute. He is charged and put in a work sentence program. After a year, he is released. He is in his mid twenties now. He decides that he is tired of his old life and tries to find work. He finds it at a soup kitchen.....TO BE CONTINUED

Mamba Mentality

There are moments in life when you just feel the whole world stop, if only for a second. Sunday was that day for a lot of people around the world. Kobe was dead. Three simple words that carried so much weight. It was jarring, unsettling and unbelievable. My friends and I were the biggest Kobe fans. We all love Jordan but Kobe fans are just a different breed. Memories flooded back to every backyard game yelling, "Kobe", as we all pretended to be him. All the games we watched on the edge of ours seats as he literally willed his teams to victory. I never met Kobe personally but he felt like someone I knew. I did see him maybe twice at a game against my hometown Grizzles (he torched us). When tragedies strike we often say, "I was just talking about...". Ironically though we literally were just talking about him. I watched Lebron's game with mixed emotions as he passed Kobe's scoring record. I watched old highlights of Kobe that whole night. So Sunday when one of my friends text me I was still just thinking about Kobe's record. Then I heard the news. I was devastated. It was hard to put into words what I felt. I didn't know Kobe but at the same time I felt like I did. I had defended this man. I had rooted for this man. I had imitated this man. I don't get wrapped in celebrities. I've never been starstruck. I don't have any Kobe jerseys, shoes, or memorabilia. What I do have is an indelible connection between willpower and Kobe. When the news about the other passengers including his daughter came out, the pain multiplied. I again watched every highlight, every commercial and every clip I could find. I watched people talk about their memories and I cried. I cried not for personal loss but from a emphatic sense of sorrow. I too had memories of times with friends and family and to think of never having those moments again was heartbreaking. My brother is 41. The thought of him just tragically being gone would be devastating. My niece is 12. The thought of her not being here would tear my heart out. I know that life isn't promised. We don't get to choose when we die. There are times though when you've prepared for it and there are others when you just wish it didn't have to be like that. It was tragic what happened to all those people on that helicopter, Kobe or not. As humans we don't have to know someone to feel trauma over a tragic event. When tragic things happen it is only human to feel some twinge of pain. If you don't the problem isn't with the people mourning over someone they maybe didn't know, it's with you. Anyone that can't feel something about families losing loved ones has a problem. It may not affect your life, but a moment to just reflect costs you nothing. To the people that immediately started to bring up issues from his past, please remember that you aren't perfect either. If you didn't like him then just say nothing. If you didn't know those people you can still take a moment to just reflect on personal losses. Kobe meant a lot to a lot of people and those other people on the helicopter meant a lot to the people in their lives. Mamba mentality was about willpower. The determination to despite whatever circumstances that you find yourself in, that you will yourself to be successful. That's what I will take from this. To cherish the memories and moments in life with those I love and to will myself to success. MAMBA OUT. 
                                                      

Under Construction

OK so it's been quite a minute since I've posted. Had a 10 year writer's block. Like a comet I come into orbit only ever so often. I am going to try to strike fire this time. My life has changed drastically in the last 10 years. So please bear with me and feel free to take this journey with me. I promise you it's a wild ride. HOLD ON & BUCKLE UP! ....

Indian Givers

Here it's free of charge. Tax free. No interest. No hidden fees. All terms that give us the impression that whatever we are about to receive, is not going to have any cost past what is originally stated. To the keen eye however, you would be wary of such "FREE" items. In life there are so many situations where we are promised something in the onset then receive something different in the outset. WHY? Well the term most readily applied to this phenomenon is Indian Giving. We are familiar with this. Your bank says "free checking" and then charges you a service fee. Your parents say sure you can take the car, AFTER these extra chores. You would be hard pressed to truly find something that you could obtain without some hidden strings attached. The same goes with the heart. Someone could give you their heart, then ask for it back. This is by far the worst of all. Love, a term so easily thrown about, but so heavily weighted. People so often give it not knowing that it comes with "strings". So often it is given too soon. Sometimes to easily. Sadly sometimes too late. But what do you do when the love you've been given is asked back? How can you just return something that you've used? Where is your warranty? your guarantee? What if you had given love in return? Is it void as well, or does the person get to keep both? Well, that hardly seems fair. But again, far too often, that is the case. GREED. The driving force behind even the most noble exchanges. People don't want just THEIRS, they want YOURS too. They give you their heart and you give them yours, and now they want them both. You are now left ALONE and WITHOUT your love to give to another. A shallow husk of the once vibrant life you once were. A piece of your SOUL forever stolen by the greed of another. Now how can you go on? How can you function? If you were to receive love again would you even know what to do with having lost your own? Our society is plagued by this. NO ravaged. Stolen love. The very notion that you could get your full return on used love is beyond reality. Yet in still daily, people take back the love they once gave. How do you guard yourself against this? Never give your love away? that is futile. Never give it back? Futile as well. The only true solution is to build up as much love from as many sources as possible, Keep reserves. A veritable bank of love. Let it collect interest. Then when you give out your love you always have some on hold still growing. No one person should ever be able to obtain the love of another. Love is the only resource that is truly limitless and indestructible. For those of you who may be scorned by stolen love, all hope is not lost. Go out and take back your love, with one new experience at a time. Rebuild your love and remember the plan.

Caged Tongue

Read the Bill of Rights, and you'll undoubtedly see something about "freedom of speech". No matter how many times you read that though, you'll realize that you can never truly say whatever you want. Politically correct or not, there are certain consequences for anything that comes out of our mouths. It can be as small as saying, "No, you were fat before you put the dress on", to criticizing the president, there will be certain consequences. The idea of freedom of speech is a novel idea in theory, but in reality is greatly flawed. Truthfully, the truth hurts. Somethings that could be said shouldn't. The society we live in could not function if everyone really had the freedom to say whatever they wanted to. Hearts would be broken, families torn asunder, friendships ruined, and the list goes on. There is no need to lie, but whole truths are not always welcome. TO BE CONTINUED........

Battle of the Sexes

Some wars are never meant to be won. While some wars should never be fought. Why is there such tension between the sexes? Men battle for dominance, while women battle for independence. The hardest man hopes that when he goes to bed at night that its next to a soft woman. The most "independent" woman hopes that when something goes wrong that she will have a man that can fix it. Dispute this if you want, but search your heart and you'll find it to be true. One of the craziest is things is when you see homosexual couples. With men you have one strong while one plays the more feminine role. With women you have a soft woman with the must dude looking woman. Why even go after the traits of sex you claim you don't want? The truth is because you can't escape the nature of how relationships are supposed to go. There have to be opposite roles.This is the way it works in all other forms of life. Animals don't even think about it. Sadly for humans, sometimes thinking can be a liability rather than a strength. Over thinking can be detrimental. It's simple to go with what nature has ingrained into us, but over thinking leads to the ill-fated "what if". "What if", is a thought process that has spiraled mankind into some very dark and disturbing choices and realizations. Another problem that plagues the sexes is gender bias. There is this idea that because a man is not a woman that he can't possibly have any idea or say about a woman's body or vice versa. This flawed argument is proven asinine every time a woman goes to see a man doctor or vice versa. This seems so logically, but sadly is often overlooked. So quick is the retort heard, "You don't know because you're not......". While certain distinct different physical characteristics can't be experienced by one gender or the other does not completely dismantle the ability for there to be some kind of understanding of the opposing sex. If this were not possible, then single parents with opposite gender children would be doomed for failure. It is accepted in that case passively, but when overly presented it is appalling to even mention. A woman says, "I have the right to abort a child because it' my body!" True enough it may be her body, but why do women forget that half of that unborn life belongs to the father. Far too often is that retort thrown out with no fore thought or regard to all the factors included. " It's my body!" No one is debating that fact, but don't be so naive as to believe that someone of the opposing gender just might know a little something that could be useful in what you do with "your body".